I found a copy of "You Don't Find Water on the Mountaintop: Discovering Nourishment in Life's Valleys" by Wayne Monbleau. I had picked it up based on the title and then on the back, it talked about becoming a "wounded healer". That's intriguing. So, I read the intro and the first chapter, neither one very long, and in the first chapter, the author related an experience of being lost in the mountains with some friends and finally, just as they were giving up despite the fact that hypothermia would most likely kill them, they saw in the distance a tiny light. Fixing their eyes on the light, they kept moving through the deep darkness of the night and found the light--a light situated right next to where their car was parked. Chapter One ends with this reminder--"Keep your eyes on the light. Keep your eyes on the light. No matter how dark it is, no matter how lost or hopeless you feel, just keep your eyes on the light and everything will be okay.
In chapter two, the author defines a "wounded healer" as one who has suffered but who doesn't become self-centered; they see the suffering in others and wants to help them as they have been helped. If your heart has been broken and then filled with God's love, compassion and mercy, then help someone else who hurts. God might be performing beautiful works in someone's life through their trials, but if they don't feel as if they can open up honestly to someone, all they can see is the darkness.
I struggle with this myself, opening up my heart to people, even my dear friends. There's this nagging little voice that says "Don't show weakness, they don't really care how you feel, pull that mask on tighter". And even though I KNOW that it's not true, that insidious doubt creeps in and causes me to step back from intimacy. I have to say, though, that through the grace of God, over the past 20 months I've gotten better about quashing that voice. Like an earwig. I'd say spider but I actually like spiders. Losing my parents and my grandparents and my job and my close friend made me realize that I can't do this on my own--life, I mean--and more importantly, God didn't design me to do it on my own. However, everyone opens up to others in their own way; I need to process things internally before talking them over with my friends and family. This makes me seems stand-off-ish; I know it does, but until I have a better handle on how I feel, I can't articulate it to someone else.
Having said all that, I want to leave you with a verse I read today. It's in John and it's in the passage about Jesus healing a man born blind. Jesus was telling His disciples that neither the man nor his parents sinned "...but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. "(John 9:3). There's comfort in that verse; that whatever we're going through, it happened to glorify God. And although we're struggling in the dark, we can keep our eyes on the light of God and be assured that He is looking out for us.
