Some thoughts on "To Write Love on Her Arms"

I'm not a daily blogger or even a weekly one, obviously. I mull things over for awhile before I put them down here or on paper. One thing I've been thinking about for a good ten months is how I crave physical pain to relieve my emotional pain. Let me be very clear here: I never have cut myself and I still don't, nor am I suicidal. I do, however, understand the need to control pain by inflicting it on one's self. This is one reason why I have tattoos. It's a safe, sterile procedure with a permanent reminder of a life event and the physical pain is contained in one chunk of time. I'm very fortunate that my tattoo artist, Dawn, understands this urge and will either leave me to my thoughts or gently discuss the situation with me. While tattoos hurt for awhile, they heal and to a certain extent I do as well. One of my tattoos was done within hours of my dad passing away as I needed to feel something other than numb and the soreness in my arm the rest of the week leading up to his service helped me begin grieving.

I heard about http://www.twloha.com/ several years back and found on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=lf#!/event.php?eid=279693068238&index=1)that this weekend, people are coming together in a virtual community to pledge to write the word "love" on their arms. It's a way to show the world the extent that depression, due to life circumstances as well as chemical imbalances, drives people to cut themselves as a way of controlling the situation. Writing "love" on your arms tells people with whom you come in contact that you are committed to loving those who hurt, not judging them, and to encourage them that they are unique, that people love them and that they matter.

I know that I'm loved, that God loves me and that I matter to my family and friends, but sometimes I feel the numbing effect of depression and it's a dark valley. At least I'm fortunate enough to know this about myself and can take steps to fight against the darkness whether it's emailing a friend, going for a drive or even just sitting in Starbucks with my iPod and journal for a couple hours.

I debated for awhile about whether of not to share this with you, but I realized that if it helps even just one person who struggles with depression to reach out and get help then it's worth it. I lost one very dear friend to suicide because of depression and drug use; I do not want to lose any more. There is help and hope and love; I'm here to share how I feel and more importantly, to listen to you if you need to talk.