Some thoughts on "To Write Love on Her Arms"

I'm not a daily blogger or even a weekly one, obviously. I mull things over for awhile before I put them down here or on paper. One thing I've been thinking about for a good ten months is how I crave physical pain to relieve my emotional pain. Let me be very clear here: I never have cut myself and I still don't, nor am I suicidal. I do, however, understand the need to control pain by inflicting it on one's self. This is one reason why I have tattoos. It's a safe, sterile procedure with a permanent reminder of a life event and the physical pain is contained in one chunk of time. I'm very fortunate that my tattoo artist, Dawn, understands this urge and will either leave me to my thoughts or gently discuss the situation with me. While tattoos hurt for awhile, they heal and to a certain extent I do as well. One of my tattoos was done within hours of my dad passing away as I needed to feel something other than numb and the soreness in my arm the rest of the week leading up to his service helped me begin grieving.

I heard about http://www.twloha.com/ several years back and found on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=lf#!/event.php?eid=279693068238&index=1)that this weekend, people are coming together in a virtual community to pledge to write the word "love" on their arms. It's a way to show the world the extent that depression, due to life circumstances as well as chemical imbalances, drives people to cut themselves as a way of controlling the situation. Writing "love" on your arms tells people with whom you come in contact that you are committed to loving those who hurt, not judging them, and to encourage them that they are unique, that people love them and that they matter.

I know that I'm loved, that God loves me and that I matter to my family and friends, but sometimes I feel the numbing effect of depression and it's a dark valley. At least I'm fortunate enough to know this about myself and can take steps to fight against the darkness whether it's emailing a friend, going for a drive or even just sitting in Starbucks with my iPod and journal for a couple hours.

I debated for awhile about whether of not to share this with you, but I realized that if it helps even just one person who struggles with depression to reach out and get help then it's worth it. I lost one very dear friend to suicide because of depression and drug use; I do not want to lose any more. There is help and hope and love; I'm here to share how I feel and more importantly, to listen to you if you need to talk.

Wounded Healers

I found a copy of "You Don't Find Water on the Mountaintop: Discovering Nourishment in Life's Valleys" by Wayne Monbleau. I had picked it up based on the title and then on the back, it talked about becoming a "wounded healer". That's intriguing. So, I read the intro and the first chapter, neither one very long, and in the first chapter, the author related an experience of being lost in the mountains with some friends and finally, just as they were giving up despite the fact that hypothermia would most likely kill them, they saw in the distance a tiny light. Fixing their eyes on the light, they kept moving through the deep darkness of the night and found the light--a light situated right next to where their car was parked. Chapter One ends with this reminder--"Keep your eyes on the light. Keep your eyes on the light. No matter how dark it is, no matter how lost or hopeless you feel, just keep your eyes on the light and everything will be okay.

In chapter two, the author defines a "wounded healer" as one who has suffered but who doesn't become self-centered; they see the suffering in others and wants to help them as they have been helped. If your heart has been broken and then filled with God's love, compassion and mercy, then help someone else who hurts. God might be performing beautiful works in someone's life through their trials, but if they don't feel as if they can open up honestly to someone, all they can see is the darkness.

I struggle with this myself, opening up my heart to people, even my dear friends. There's this nagging little voice that says "Don't show weakness, they don't really care how you feel, pull that mask on tighter". And even though I KNOW that it's not true, that insidious doubt creeps in and causes me to step back from intimacy. I have to say, though, that through the grace of God, over the past 20 months I've gotten better about quashing that voice. Like an earwig. I'd say spider but I actually like spiders. Losing my parents and my grandparents and my job and my close friend made me realize that I can't do this on my own--life, I mean--and more importantly, God didn't design me to do it on my own. However, everyone opens up to others in their own way; I need to process things internally before talking them over with my friends and family. This makes me seems stand-off-ish; I know it does, but until I have a better handle on how I feel, I can't articulate it to someone else.

Having said all that, I want to leave you with a verse I read today. It's in John and it's in the passage about Jesus healing a man born blind. Jesus was telling His disciples that neither the man nor his parents sinned "...but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. "(John 9:3). There's comfort in that verse; that whatever we're going through, it happened to glorify God. And although we're struggling in the dark, we can keep our eyes on the light of God and be assured that He is looking out for us.

Faith Rewarded

I've been thinking about Rahab, reading about her in James 2 and also in Joshua 2. James only used two examples from history to illustrate faith and deeds, one being Abraham, the father of the Israelites and at the other end of the spectrum in every way, this woman. Rahab had three strikes against her: she was a woman in a patriarchal society, she was a prostitute, and she was an enemy of the Chosen People. But because she saw the power of God as He saved His people time and again, Rahab acted on her faith and was saved from the annihilation of Jericho. She was spared, she and all her family because she believed and she acted. "Acted", by the way, is an action word, which may seem self-evident, but think about it--she DID something in response to her faith. Not only was Rahab saved but she became part of lineage of Jesus, one of only two women mentioned in His genealogy in Matthew 1. Can you imagine? In a patriarchal society, the only two women listed in Jesus' genealogy were Ruth and Rahab, neither of whom were born Israelites. Rahab was rewarded in the most awesome way possible even though she had no way of knowing it all because she put her faith in the unseen God. She was not concerned with self-promotion, only with obedience to God, a God who she only knew about through the stories that had spread through the land. Makes you want to be more proactive in your faith, now doesn't it?

**Many thanks to Pastor Scott for his great series, "What Jim Said", a study of the book of James.

Unstoppable

I've been mulling the idea of the unstoppable church over for several weeks, as I have to do for some concepts and this is just a brief post as I've condensed several messages and conversations with friends.

Over the past couple years in our church body, leadership changed, programs were dropped, people left and those who stayed felt like they came to a screeching halt. We were stopped. We thought we weren't effective. We wondered why this happened to us. In reality, I believe we were going through a period of Selah; a time of being stopped by God to focus on Him. He stripped away everything we were relying on and said, "No. You need to seek me. You need to love one another. You need to acknowledge Me and not be dependent on programs and people." In Jeremiah 29:13b, God says, "...and when you search for me with all you heart, you will find me!" We needed to return to a passionate pursuit of God.

During this same period, I lost both my parents, both my maternal grandparents and my job of almost 10 years. The love and support from the church body during this time poured out in ways I don't remember even witnessing before. The church body was loving God and loving their neighbors and our family was blessed as a result. I know others have been blessed as well as we began to look at what we could to to help others in a very personal way and not just tell them to plug in to a program. As we've revved back up, small groups have been meeting and loving on one another and helping those who need it; a garden was started for feeding people; we're connecting with the Muslim community on a personal level; we share the church facility with two other congregations. We may have been stopped, but we are going to be unstoppable as there is so much more to God than we could ever know!

**many thanks to Pastor Scott for his messages that triggered this post!

Apple (or Pear) Butterscotch Pie

This recipe is being posted in response to a couple requests from friends who really wanted the recipe. The original calls for pears which is also quite good (if you like pears) but it translates right over for apples as well.

Filling:

3 TBSP flour

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/8 tsp salt

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 1/2 lbs (about 5) apples (or pears), peeled, cored & cut into wedges

1 TBSP lemon juice

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 TBSP butter, cut into little pieces

Place a baking sheet in the oven and preheat to 425 degrees.

Whisk the dry ingredients together so there are no lumps and toss the fruit in the mixture along with the lemon juice and the vanilla extract. Let macerate for about 15 minutes then place in the

bottom crust in the pie pan. Dot the top with the little pieces of butter, then cover with the top crust and crimp the edges. Cut vents in the top. If you'd like, lightly beat an egg and brush it over the top crust for a nice golden glaze.

Bake the pie on the hot baking sheet for 20 minutes, then reduce the temp to 375 and bake an additional 40 to 45 minutes.

Pie Crust: (or use store-bought. Seriously.)

2 cups flour

1 cup shortening (I use half COLD butter and half Crisco)

pinch of salt

1/3 cup ICE water

Cut the shortening into the flour & salt mixture until it resembles cornmeal then add the ICE water. Mix til it just comes together--DO NOT OVERWORK IT! Makes enough for 2 pie crusts.

Cook's Notes:

1. If using apples, I'd recommend using Braeburn or Fuji, but pretty much anything other then Red or Golden Delicious would be great. For pears, use Bartlett or Anjou, or mix it up and use some of each.

2. The brown sugar & vanilla is what makes this a butterscotch pie as well as the butter pieces melting down into the filling.

3. You can make the pie crust by hand which is what I used to do or if you have a food processor, use that. It cuts the shortening into the flour much more evenly and your hands don't get as icky. If you do use the food processor, contrary to popular belief, DO NOT make the dough ball up. If you do, the dough has been overworked and will not be flaky. Pulse the mix until the dough comes together in large clumps then you can gently press the clumps together. What happens is that you're making many teeny tiny layers of flour & shortening and when the pastry bakes, the shortening melts and the water in the shortening evaporates leaving all these teeny tiny pockets which is what makes a flaky pastry. The colder the shortening, the more it keeps it shape and makes the little pockets. When you overwork the dough, the shortening melts and you begin to develop gluten strands and it causes the dough to become tough.

4. The reason you preheat the baking sheet and then bake the pie on it is to bake the bottom crust a nice golden brown which doesn't usually happen when there is a heavy filling like pears or apples in the pie pan. This is the equivalent of blind-baking which is what you do for custard-filled pies (but we can discuss that in another blog!).

Eat well,

Holly

Italian Bread Crumb Fish

I had someone ask me for a breaded halibut recipe so I delved into my trove of clippings and found this Italian bread crumb topping for cod. It can be used for any white fish as well as chicken and pork, low-fat and is quite simple to throw together when you're in a hurry.

Ingredients:

1/4 cup bread crumbs
2 TBSP grated parmesan cheese
1 TSBP cornmeal
1 tsp olive oil
1/2 Italian seasoning
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1/8 black pepper
4 (3 oz) cod fillets
1 egg white, lightly beaten

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

Stir together all dry ingredients in a small bowl and set aside.

Spray the rack of a broiling pan with cooking spray. Place the fish on the pan and fold under any thin edges so they don't burn. Brush the egg white on the fish then spoon the bread crumb mixture evenly over the fillets..

Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until the fish flakes easily when tested with a fork and is opaque all the way through.

Cook's notes:

1. I prefer to use Japanese panko instead of traditional bread crumbs for breading. You may be able to find it in the ethnic aisle of your grocery store; I know that World Market carries panko and of course, any Asian market such as Uwjimaya and Pal-Do. Panko is lighter and crispier and doesn't get soggy the way regular bread crumbs do. My gluten-free friends can substitute their gluten-free bread crumbs, of course!

2. For my dairy-free friends, there are hard goat cheeses that would be a great substitution for the parmesan and still have that great tangy flavor; check out Trader Joe's and Whole Foods.

Eat well,
Holly

Thoughts on cooking & family

I ran across an article, written by Nancy Harmon Jenkins in "Saveur", February 2009.

"Real home cooking is like fine art: it is hard to define, but we know it when we see it...(it) stresses finesse over fancy techniques. It calls for ingredients at hand, like the fresh and dried chiles that Mexican home cooks swear by or the salt-cured anchovies that southern Italians can't do without. Simplicity is a hallmark of home cooking, and so is adaptability: if a dish calls for six cloves of garlic and you only have one, if the recipe requires a tablespoon of tomato paste and you're all out, if you're supposed to use lemon juice but you've only got oranges, you cook anyway, and you end up making something good. In the end...home cooking is: a link, a continuum from one generation to the next, a flow of knowledge and love that strengthens and nourishes everyone it touches."



I love this piece because that's what I want people to know--cooking isn't hard, recipes can always be adapted and love really is a secret ingredient. I had a friend tell me (and I know she doesn't really consider herself a cook) that she had made the tilapia with roasted tomato sauce that I posted a few weeks back, but since she didn't have certain ingredients on hand, she adapted the recipe by using what she did have and the dish turned out fine. I sometimes hesitate to pass recipes along only because I cook from ingredients and I don't have specific quantities.



As for the "continuum", well, I've been privileged to be the keeper of my paternal great-grandma's, my dad's and my maternal grandma's personal recipe collections, as well as a handful of my paternal grandma's Christmas cookie recipes. I have secret family recipes now! And my siblings have all called me at one time or another to ask me for help with recipes and I cherish being able to share what I know with people I love. Feeding others is my gift, my act of love, my gesture of comfort; it's my connection to my past, my legacy from my family and my path to the future as there is nothing that unites people more than a home-cooked meal.



Eat well,
Holly

~~The picture is a page from my great-grandma's personal cookbook; she wrote her recipes in a spiral-bound notebook and some of the pages are nearly illegible due to grease and food splatters.

Roasted Vegetable & Quinoa Salad

I haven't actually made this recipe yet, but as I have several friends who are gluten-intolerant, I thought that I'd post this as it A) it sounds really good and B) quinoa is good for you even if you can eat glutinous (ha!) products.

Preheat oven to 500 degrees

3 cups water

1 1/2 cups quinoa

1/4 cup balsamic blend seasoned rice vinegar (such as Nakano brand)

2 tsps olive oil
1/4 tsp black pepper

2 cups chopped carrots

3 1/2 cups chopped zucchini

1 3/4 cups chopped yellow squash

1 jar of roasted red peppers

1 cup feta cheese

1 garlic clove, minced

cooking spray

1. Bring the 3 cups of water to a boil in a medium saucepan and add the quinoa. Cover, reduce heat and cook for about 15 minutes or until liquid is absorbed. Remove pan from heat and set aside.

2. Whisk together the vinegar, olive oil and pepper in a bowl, then add the carrots; toss to coat. Drain the carrots but reserve the liquid. Spread the carrots on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick spray and bake for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, coat the zucchini and squash, once again reserving the extra liquid. Add the remainder of the vegetables to the baking sheet with the carrots and bale everything for an additional 20 minutes. Remove from oven and cool completely.

3. Drain the jar of red peppers and cut into smaller strips, if so desired. In a large bowl, mix the quinoa, veggies, feta cheese and reserved vinegar liquid. Stir well to combine; cover and chill.

Cook's note:

1. There are three kinds of cultivated quinoa--white, red and black. I found red and white at Trader Joe's and one of the staff recommended that I toast the grains before cooking them. Toasting is easy but you need to be alert; place the amount of quinoa that you'll be cooking immediately in a large saucepan or cast-iron skillet, keep moving the pan over medium-high heat just until the grains smell toasty and remove from the heat source. Ta-da!

2. I'd use chicken or vegetable stock in lieu of water when making the quinoa; it adds another dimension of flavor. I always have chicken stock on hand, though, so it's easy for me to say!

3. Use whatever vegetables you like for this recipe, but remember that the harder ones (like carrots) will take longer to roast, so plan accordingly. Or email me and I can help you figure it out! And play around--green beans roast nicely as does broccoli and cauliflower, mushrooms and onion wedges. Mix it up!

4. As for the seasoned vinegar, if you don't have rice vinegar on hand, use balsamic or red wine vinegar; improvise. Rice vinegar is really nice to have around (you can find it at Albertson's on their "ethnic" aisle) as it's a lighter seasoning but don't get hung up on it. Seriously.

5. This recipe would be really good with diced chicken as a main dish or as an accompaniment to grilled chicken. Quinoa is just a versatile as rice and pasta and potatoes, so use your imagination!

Eat well,

Holly

~~As I have no quinoa picture, I'm sharing one of some of my herbs for fun.

Chocolate Crinkle Cookies

I had a request this week for this particular recipe, so I thought I'd pass it along to everyone instead of just the one person who asked; share the wealth, right?

Ingredients:

1/2 vegetable oil

4 oz unsweetened baking chocolate, melted & cooled *(see conversion in Cook's notes)

2 cups sugar

2 tsp vanilla

4 eggs

2 cups flour

2 tsps baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 c powdered sugar set aside in a bowl

Mix together the oil, chocolate, sugar & vanilla in a large bowl--I use my Kitchen-Aid mixer. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing well before adding the next one. Add the dry ingredients and blend well. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least three hours as dough is very sticky.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease your cookie sheets with shortening or cooking spray. Drop teaspoonfuls of dough into the powdered sugar bowl; roll around to coat thoroughly and shape into balls. Place onto cookie sheets about 2 inches apart.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from sheets and let cool on wire racks.

Cook's notes:

I recommend using unsweetened cocoa powder and doing the conversion; it saves you a messy chocolate bowl and you don't run the risk of your chocolate seizing while it melts. The conversion is on the side of the container but for you, my loyal followers, it's this: for this recipe you'll need *12 level tablespoons of unsweetened cocoa powder and an additional 4 tablespoons of vegetable oil. Seriously. Do this.

As for the cocoa powder, I like SACO brand; use what you have or can find (Hershey's, Valhrona), but I definitely recommend that you get Dutched cocoa whatever brand you end up with. Dutched cocoa has undergone an alkali process to give the chocolate a smoother, richer flavor and it makes your baked goods that much yummier.

Your cookie dough will still be sticky, even after refrigeration. Be patient. I use a cookie scoop, like an ice cream scoop that releases the dough and all my cookies are the same size; dip the scoop or your spoon in warm water and it'll help with the stickiness. Also--I really, really, really hate washing cookie sheets and I've yet to buy any Silpat baking sheets, so I line my cookie sheets with a piece of tin foil and spray it with cooking spray. That way, I can just throw away the icky, sticky foil afterwards and it cuts down on my cleanup. It may not be the most environmentally friendly thing to do, but it saves my sanity. Really; my sanity is more important than a ball of tin foil.

Eat well,

Holly

Apple Pie

I realize that it's not technically apple season but as I was driving over to Eastern Washington on Thursday, all the apple trees were in bloom and smelled heavenly. In honor of that, I would like to share with you my apple pie recipe, which I'm thinking of renaming "Miriam's All-Time Favorite Pie Ever" as my sister-in-law has told me that she could eat an entire pie at one go!



Preheat oven to 425 degrees

Apple Pie Filling:



5 or 6 apples, peeled, cored and sliced
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1 1/2 TBSP flour



Mix everything together in a large bowl and let it macerate while you make the pie crust.



Pie Crust: for those of you brave enough to try your hand at making your own!
2 cups flour
pinch of salt
1 cup shortening
1/3 cup ICE water



Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl. Cut in the shortening til the mixture resembles coarse crumbs then add the ICE water. Work dough together but DO NOT overwork it! You'll probably want to chill the dough for a couple hours before dividing into two equal balls. Roll out one on a floured surface, then place in a pie pan. Place filling in pan, dot the fruit with 2 TBSP of cold butter that have been cut into little pieces and then top with second rolled out disk of pie dough. Crimp edges together and cut vents in the top so steam can escape as it bakes. Don't worry about how it looks, really, as long as the filling's not oozing all over the place.



Bake at 425 degrees for 10 minutes then lower the oven to 350 degrees and bake an additional 40 minutes or so.



Cook's Notes:



1. I like to use a couple of varieties of apples as you get some different flavors. I love green Granny Smiths because of the tartness; I also like Braeburn, Gala and Fuji.



2. The butter pats on top of the filling will do two things; first, it adds a little richness to the filling and second, as the cold butter melts, the steam helps give a nice lift to the top crust.



3. Pie crust isn't scary! I promise. There are just a couple things to remember; Crisco is less expensive than butter and tastes just fine but chill it first so you'll have a lovely, flaky crust. By all means use butter, but keep in mind that it's quite finicky particularly for beginners and again, expensive. I also capitalized ICE water. The easiest way to do this is to fill a glass measuring cup with ice and water before you begin and then measure out the 1/3 cup of water that you need. The way you get a flaky pie crust is by keeping your shortening and your water COLD and by not overworking your dough. See, as you mix the flour and the fat, you make lots of little layers and when those layers start heating up, the water in the fat releases steam. The steam evaporates and leaves these teeny tiny layers of crust which are nice and flaky. You want that in pastries; not so much in a boyfriend! Or any friend, I should say.



4. Most importantly--your hands come clean. Get in there (with clean hands!) and TOUCH YOUR FOOD. As long as you have proper hygiene, you and your food will be fine, but you need to know what pie dough feels like so that if it's too dry, you can add a touch more water or if it's too wet when you're rolling it out, you throw some more flour on it.



Eat well,
Holly

***the pie pictured is actually strawberry-rhubarb but I included it to show you more or less what your finished product ought to look like.

Great vs Good: Food & Relationships

I was contemplating this Sunday's sermon which was about relationships and my thoughts, as they usually do, turned to food and food analogies. The essence of the message was "what you put into a relationship is what you'll get out of the relationship" and great relationships like great food take time and effort. If you make a conscious effort to eat healthy, it takes time to go to the grocery store, choose the best and freshest and organic ingredients, take them home and prepare them. It's also not cheap, particularly if you hit up Whole Foods, nor is it very convenient time-wise. Think about it; you can either spend $5.47 at Little Caesar's for a "Hot'n'Ready" pizza or spend several times that amount to buy fresh produce and organic meat (and please don't ask how I know the exact price for the pizza--I never claimed to be a gourmet; I'm much closer to a gourmand!). It's simply quantity versus quality. Now, in their defense, more companies and grocery stores have made eating healthy easier with little bags of carrots and celery, apple slices and melon chunks; you can even buy grilled chicken breasts at deli counters, but we still have to make to choice to buy those items and not the fried chicken dinners with the bags of chips.

The other phrase that I jotted down was "The biggest enemy to GREAT is GOOD". We settle for what we're used to, what we think is good enough. I made myself beef pot roast a few weeks back; it was from an actual butcher's shop in Woodinville and they sell only local and organic products. It had been aged a minimum of 21 days and was beautifully marbled with fat...let me just say, I know GREAT beef now. But when you chose to eat healthy, buy organic produce or make the trek to a butcher's shop which, let's face it, is one more stop you just don't have time for...you're making your health a priority. Maybe it means cutting out store-bought coffee and making it at home, or making dessert rather than buying a container of ice cream. It's the same thing with your relationships. What do you need to cut out of your life in order to be available to the people around you? Think about this--what effect do your actions have on those people? What effects do eating better have on you? In both cases, neither one may show immediate results but your efforts will pay off in the end.

I'm going to share something personal here; some of you are more familiar with the story than others and I'm really nutshelling as it's quite complicated, but here goes--I have a friend who I've known for probably six years now, Matt. I knew from one of the first times I met him that he was the man for me, one of those gut feelings at which I always used to sneer. Until just recently, I have made every overture in our friendship--phone calls, encouraging cards, stopping by his place to make sure he was OK. That's a lot of effort, especially when he flat-out told me he wasn't interested in being anything more than friends, and even then it would sometimes be months before I'd be able to get ahold of him or see him. One thing that came out in our conversations in the past couple weeks was how comfortable Matt feels being with me and in sharing personal things (and there's been a turning point with him contacting me much more often). He told me that it's easier to talk to me about these things than his own family because I've been there for him over the past years. I don't share this with you easily; it makes me feel really vulnerable, but I'm really trying to drive home my point--you DO NOT know the effect that you have on someone's life.

That, my dears, is what has been on my mind the past couple days; food and relationships. A huge thanks to Pastor Scott for his excellent message on Sunday which inspired my contemplations and to my readers who allow me to be so open with them.

Eat well,

Holly

Baked Fish with Roasted Tomato Sauce

Well, my dears, I guess I'm defaulting to food today as my journals and notebooks are in my other bag in the car and I really don't feel like slogging through the rain to see what I have scribbled down to share. I will share a simple but yummy fish recipe--and keep in mind that this is coming from someone who doesn't care for seafood! I tried the recipe at the Mediterranean cooking class I took about 10 days ago and it's really flavorful and moist.

Baked Fish with Roasted Tomato Sauce:

Serves 4-5

3 cups tomatoes, sliced into thin wedges

1 1/2 onions, julienned

1 TBSP chopped garlic

1 1/2 TBSP olive oil

1 tsp Italian herbs

pinch of orange zest

1 1/2 to 2 pounds white fish, such as tilapia, sole or halibut

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix all ingredients together except fish and spread evenly in a 9" by 13" glass pan. Roast for 30 to 35 minutes, til the vegetables begin to brown. Remove the pan, arrange the fish fillets in and under the vegetables and return to the oven until fish is done, approximately 15 minutes.

Serve with starch of your choice--rice pilaf with toasted almonds is great and so is risotto and who doesn't like mashed potatoes? Well, I actually know someone who doesn't, but she's the exception!

Cook's notes:

Seriously, people--don't get hung up on measuring things UNLESS YOU ARE BAKING. Then you have to be precise. In cooking, however, eyeball your ingredients. You don't need to dirty up a bunch of measuring cups and spoons. Use about 3 large tomatoes--mix it up with some lovely heirloom tomatoes! The onion? Buy a Walla Walla, the kind that barely fit in your hand. A tablespoon of garlic is a couple cloves and so on. Even the orange zest is easy to do (and don't leave it out as it adds a nice hint of sweetness to counter-balance the acid in the tomatoes); if you don't own a zester, maybe you own a cheese grater with the teeny-tiny holes on one side? Run the orange over it several times and there ya go! If you don't have dried mixed Italian herbs, use what you have--oregano? Savory? Thyme, sage, rosemary, marjoram, basil? Use a pinch of this and that--it's your dish so you can season it the way you want and since tomatoes, onions and olive oil go with just about everything and white fish can take any seasoning, DON'T SWEAT IT. Cooking really isn't scary! And you can always ask me your culinary questions!

Eat well,

Holly

Morning on Lake Tye

"Across the street is a lake and on the lake this gray, rainy morning is a flat-bottomed fishing boat. From my seat in the coffee shop, all I can see of the fishers are one white sweatshirt and one black sweatshirt. I wonder what their relationship is to each other; father and son or long-time friends, the kind of friendship that doesn't require words, particularly between men. I glance away as a group of women bustle into the shop out of the misty damp and when I look back, the boat has drifted out of sight and all I see are a pair of ducks dropping in their barely controlled dives to the silvery water."

Easy No-Bake Cheesecake with Easy Fruit Topping

Hello, my fellow foodies! This recipe is, I realize, a tad late for Easter, but since you will be stealing your children's chocolate and jellybeans, you don't really need the sugar, right? Right. So--I found the recipe on a website and tested it out on my meal clients. It was such a hit, it was even requested that I make it for a family dinner to which I was invited.

Ingredients:

1 graham cracker pie crust

8 oz softened cream cheese

1/3 cup sugar

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 cup sour cream

8 oz Cool Whip, slightly thawed

Beat the cream cheese til smooth; add the vanilla, sugar and sour cream and mix well. Fold in the Cool Whip and spoon into the crust. Chill for at least 4 hours.

Easy Fruit Topping:

A package of your favorite frozen fruit or berries or mix of fruit and berries

Some sugar

Dump frozen fruit/berries in a saucepan and heat over medium heat. Add about 1/2 cup of sugar and let cook down for a bit. Taste after a while and add more sugar if you want it sweeter. Keep cooking and stirring til it reaches the consistency you like. Let cool. Serve over slices of the cheesecake.

Cook's notes:

1. Seriously, buy a pre-made pie crust. It's not worth the hassle of crunching up graham crackers and forcing them to stick together with butter in a pie pan. The pre-made generic brands are less than $2.

2. If you leave the cream cheese on your counter for a couple hours, it should be the right consistency but if you use a stand mixer, like a Kitchen Aid, once you start beating it it will soften up just fine.

3. "Fold" means to GENTLY incorporate an ingredient, usually with a silicone spatula, into an existing base so it remains light and fluffy. I will admit that in this case it's not a big deal and you could just scrape the Cool Whip into the mixer and let'er rip for 30 seconds or so until mixed. This is not a fussy recipe.

4. You will have leftovers. I have no idea who came up with the measurement ratios but they did a lousy job. You can either make two smaller cheesecakes and top them with a LOT of berries or hide the remainder from your family to savor while watching the guilty T.V. show of your choice.

5. Use a hand-held potato masher to break up the fruit as you're cooking it down and try different mixes; I got rave reviews with a Dole tropical fruit mix--and buy the "no sugar added" kind as you're adding your own sugar. Besides, you want to taste the fruit, don't you? A little bit?

Eat well,

Holly

Mushrooms

Today we are going to discuss mushrooms even though April is National Poetry Month. I love mushrooms. I love shopping at Albertson's because I get a discount. Albertson's only has two kinds of mushrooms; white and portobello. And before you say, "Wait! They also have cremini!", let me say that cremini are baby portobellos and are sometimes sold as such. Now, Fred Meyer and Whole Market often carry fresh shiitake and oyster mushrooms; Pike Place fruit stands will usually have a nice selection as well (morels if you're lucky!). If you're feeling really adventurous, hit up Uwajimaya and get some fresh enoki from their produce section. I also know of a produce stand in Snohomish that sells fresh chanterelles in the fall for a great price!

In selecting mushrooms, in general you want to look for ones with closed caps and no exposed gills unless you're buying the big portobellos or mushrooms for stuffing. I prefer paper bags for transport and storage but I also will buy the packaged sliced white mushrooms in the little Styrofoam & cling-wrap containers if they're on sale and if I'm using the flavor for a base. Now, a matter of contention--to wash or not to wash? Let me just say, mushrooms are fungus. Fungus grows in the dark. In manure. Do you really think that the mushroom growers carefully pick and then brush each mushroom as they pack it? No. They don't get paid enough. WASH THEM. Mushrooms absorb an negligible amount of water, and I mean less than an ounce per pound and as long as you pat them dry, store them some place cool and dry, then use them within a few days, they'll be fine and won't melt into a nasty smelling mess in your vegetable drawer.

While mushrooms don't absorb much water, they do soak up an incredible amount of fats--butter and olive oil when sauteing, for example. They can be flavored with any variety of herbs, added to omelets, in cream sauces like chicken Alfredo and baked into quiches. They roast well as in stuffed mushroom caps, hold up on the grill like portobellos, add an nice dimension to stews and stocks and come in all kinds of cool shapes. White or button mushrooms are quite mild as are oyster mushrooms while shiitakes and cremini/portbellos have a deeper, earthier flavor. Other than trimming the ends of the stems, use the entire mushroom--cap and stem. Why not? You paid for it and it all taste like mushroom!

I don't have a particular recipe to share; I have a tendency to use mushrooms the way I use onions--as one of my base flavors in cooking and seasoning. As for the mushrooms I named, these are just a few of the more common ones but there is such a variety that if you love mushrooms, try something different next time you walk through the produce section or go to the fruit stand. Asian stores are a great resource; that's where you're more likely to find enoki, oysters and shiitakes if your local store only carries white and portobellos. While "specialty" mushrooms are more expensive per pound, a little goes a long way. Buy a handful, slice them up, saute them in some butter and see what you think. Or, here's a serving suggestion--mix them with the less expensive white mushrooms. It looks sophisticated, even if you're just sauteing them and serving them with a nice grilled steak.

Enjoy your food,

Holly

**note: pictured are shiitakes on the left and oyster mushrooms to the right.

God's plan

I had someone tell me the other day that she had no idea that I was a writer. Well, I'm not strictly a writer in that I've never had a burning desire to write a novel (and still don't) or publish a poem, nor have I disciplined myself in the past to write on a daily basis. I am finding, however, as I go through my old notebooks and papers how much I've actually jotted down over the years. I suppose if one reads as much as I do, it's bound to express itself somehow; all those words and phrases and ideas percolating for so long. At any rate, today's post was found loose in the bag in which I haul around a bunch of those old notebooks and journals, and like the majority of my scribbling, it's not dated although it's safe to say it was written within the past two years. It's on a piece of lavender paper, a church bulletin insert, as a matter of fact, printed with the words "Who has God been to you recently?" (and then it said to return it to the church office, which I obviously did not do!).

"God is always in control & God is never surprised. No matter what has occurred in my life or in my family's circumstances, God is sovereign & He ordained events from the very beginning. He is not surprised or shocked by what happens to His children because He is the Ancient of Days who holds my life in His hands & who has allowed my life to affect those around me so that I may reflect His glory & His awesome power. 'Then Job replied to the Lord, "I know that You can do all things, no plan of Yours can be thwarted." ' "

Ode to a creep

"His mama's blind to his every fault,

He thinks he's a comedian but he's not!

I wish he'd leave me the hell alone,

But his mama's convinced I'm made of gold.

He's a metal-head and a music-freak,

But he has no spine and acts all meek;

He wants a strong woman who knows her mind--

He thinks I'm the one--can't he read my signs?"

This was jotted down after, well, after a date with a creepy guy! I've reproduced it just as I wrote it as it was a visceral reaction to this guy. I've told several of my girlfriends the story so I'm not going to name anyone here, but suffice it to say the phrase, "friends do not make out with friends" has made it into our lexicon!

Geode: a poem

"Look--
A misshapen lump of rock
Dark grey and warty
A looked-over, kicked-over, picked-over egg-shaped chunk of silica
Unlovely and passed-over
Until--
An eagle's eye spots, lifts, cradles and warms
With surety and certainty
The cutter's hand places a blow
Here, here, here
And--
The rock splits in two
Light refracting its revelation, purple and white and blinding
Crystals and structures and pillars and columns
Created under heat and pressure
Listen--
The looker-, kicker-, picker-overs
Gasp at the complexities beyond their comprehension."



**I didn't have a picture of a geode, but I do have quite a few pictures of rocks so I included this one as it's igneous, and the same principles of heat apply.

Rage-Beast

So, I told you that I was going to be sharing some personal pieces with you and this is one of them. I was going to hold off on it, but someone said something last night that upset me and I thought that this would be perfect for how I was feeling afterwards.

"Rage dwells deep in me; tamped down to a super-hot ember and covered in a deep drift of ash like a dormant volcano under its blanket of trees. People come along and prod at my rage, stirring up the embers, wanting me to discuss my feelings, to let go and tell them how I really feel. I think they'd wilt and scorch from my rage if I let it loose. It's a beast that I feel move in my chest late at night, its reptilian wings rattling along my ribs, eyes glowing with the poisons that circulate in its blood. I keep my rage-beast chained down; I'm safe from it for the time being but I know that its viscous blood will leach into my very marrow--slowly, slowly poisioning me if I don't slay it first. But for now, I delude myself into thinking I've tamed it; my rage-beast, my anger-dragon, the reptile of hate in my breast that I've incubated from an egg."

I think that all too often as Christians, we are not allowed by our fellow Christians to truly express how angry we are, whether it's at God, circumstances or other people. I find it much easier to simply smile and assure those who ask that I'm "doing OK, thanks!", rather than tell them how I don't sleep at night, how I've taken to gritting my teeth, how I can't focus on reading a book which was my favorite thing to do. And I'm not mad at God nor am I mad at my parents for dying; I'm mad at people who think I need to talk through every emotion without thinking I may still be numb and I'm mad at the people who I think should have been there for me but I haven't heard anything from them. I know eventually I'll need to relinquish my rage, but for now, it's the one thing that I can feel through my numbness.

Starting Out: Thank You!

Well, my friends--since you all encouraged me to start a blog & since I'm attempting to tap more fully into my creative side, I want to thank you all. My aim is to share things that I'm writing, things I'm contemplating, the occasional photos and yes, recipes! I'm also trying to be more vunerable in some areas of my life, so I'm going to post some very personal pieces as well. I'm going to start simply with a recipe.

Creole Shrimp

Ingredients:

1 carrot, diced

1 onion, diced

1 bell pepper, diced

2 stalks of celery, diced

4 tbsps olive oil

4 garlic cloves, minced

1/4 cup tomato paste

1 (15 oz) can tomato sauce

2 (15 oz) cans crushed tomatoes

1/3 cup distilled white vinegar

1 cup water

finely chopped fresh thyme & parsley to taste

2 lbs (51-60 count) peeled & deveined shrimp

4 tbsps butter

grated Parmesan & chopped green onions for garnish

Cook the carrot, onion, celery & pepper in the olive oil in a medium saucepan or stockpot til softened, but not browned; about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook another 2 minutes. Add in the tomato paste, sauce & crushed tomatoes, the vinegar & the water & bring to a boil. Turn the heat down and simmer for about 40 minutes. Add the thyme and parsley to taste as well as salt and pepper.

In a large skillet, heat the butter over medium heat and add the shrimp, sauting til half-done. Add the shrimp to the Creole sauce and cook an additional 5-8 minutes.

Serve over rice, risotto or grits and garnish with Parmesan & green onions!

Cook's Notes:

OK--the basis for Creole cooking is onion, pepper & celery cooked together in what's known as a sofrit. It's also called the Holy Trinity of Creole cooking as this is what a lot of Creole recipes are built off of, so you want the veggies to be cut to uniform pieces and not to brown, just softened to let out the juices. Carrot adds a sweet note that rounds out the vegetal taste that green bell peppers can give to a dish. I ran my veggies through my little Cuisinart for a nice, fine, uniform dice!

This dish was a huge hit with the 3 daughters of one of my meal clients, which is always gratifying to hear! He said they loved the sauce by itself spooned over the risotto which is how I had prepared it for them.

All the best,

Holly